So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
