It's Friday. Sex?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
