is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize