Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
