Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
