What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
