i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
