I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
