I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
