u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
