Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
