she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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