Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
