Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
