You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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