Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am available for nakedness
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
