Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
