Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
