Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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