i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
