Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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