if you like me you must not know who I am
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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