I think I died a long time ago.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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