I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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