My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
