Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
