Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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