If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
