I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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