Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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