You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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