i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
