I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
