my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize