im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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