I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
