I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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