we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
