does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
