Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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