i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize