Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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