So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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