90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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