filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
