A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
