I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
