it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
