i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
