i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
