Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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