My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
