dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
