Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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