Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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