Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
