I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
