Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
