i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
