Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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