Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
