it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
