Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
