I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
