His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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