How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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